Humor, When I Became the Bully: The Process

“Mariah, when did you become the bully?” asked Mr. Gray, a very old man, with a long, gray beard and deep blue, penetrating eyes. “You are the bully, right?”

“Not that I know of, sir,” said Mariah, respectfully. “The last I heard, I was already dead. I do not know when it happened exactly, but it must have been a painless death because I did not feel a thing. I know that there was a hit man or two after me for a while, but I think they failed in all of their attempts. They arranged a few accidents for me.”

“That is true,” replied Mr. Gray, her counselor. “They did try to kill you, several times.”

“They may still be trying as just recently, some young man told me that I was so dead. Of course, I did not think I was, but when they buried my mother a number of years ago, the family locked me out of the wake. Maybe in their minds, they buried me at the grave site and not her?”

“So, you are dead now?”

“I must be. Either that or I am dead to them.”

“But you and I are talking together,” said the elderly, wise counselor. “You cannot be dead yet.”

“Maybe you are dead then, too?” said Mariah, who smiled at the kindly man, but at the same time, she was growing increasingly concerned. “Can someone just walk from the realm of the living into the realm of the dead without knowing or feeling anything? Can the dead talk to the dead?”

“Not that I am aware of,” replied the counselor, smiling at the thought. “You have to go through a process first.”

“What kind of a process?”

“Sort of like what we are doing right now,” replied Mr. Gray. “Where is your family now, Mariah?”

“I have not seen any of them for many years. Maybe they are all dead and I am the one who is still alive. Do you think that it is possible that they all died?”

“I can check into that for you,” replied Mr. Gray, making a note on his black slate. “Check the obituaries for any dead, family members.”

“A while ago, a young man who seemed to know everything about me, said it would be better for everyone if I jumped off the balcony,” said Mariah. “But I didn’t do that, at least not that I am aware of.” 

“No, you didn’t. I can vouch for that. There are some reports stating that you are the bully, though.”

“It sounds to me, Mr. Gray, that whoever was advising me to jump off the balcony was being the real bully, would you not agree?”

“That is possible. Otherwise, why would he suggest such a thing?”

“With the population increase in the world, there is a shortage of decent places to live now. Apparently, he wants my place for himself and his family,” replied Mariah. “Do you think that I should give it to him?”   

“Are you prepared to let them move in with you?”

“I don’t know this man or anyone else in his family. Why would I want to let total strangers move in with me, especially abusive ones, like this?”

“Well, it appears to me that you have two possible options. You can move out and vacate the premises or jump off the balcony.”

“Neither seems very smart to me.”

“Maybe you are the bully then, because you are denying this man and his family the accommodations they want.”

“Is that what bullies do?” asked Mariah. “I have not ever been a bully, so I don’t really know. They probably want everything I own and my money too, not that I am terribly rich.”

“If you succeeded in getting rid of yourself, their problem might be solved. Your accommodations would be vacant and this man and his family could move in there. Everyone would be happy then, wouldn’t they? They would not have to worry about looking after you when you get old either.”

“Maybe that is true, but what about me? I doubt that I would be happier if I was dead. Anyhow, how would these people ever live with all of the guilt of killing someone like me?”

“They would just tell everyone that they got rid of the bully who was keeping them from getting what they wanted. Sounds like pure greed to me. They would not see themselves as being guilty anyhow, as you would have done yourself in.”

“But what does that profit me, Mr. Gray? I certainly do not see any gain in that.”

“You would go where people who are called bullies go and then you could live in peace.”

“I already live in peace.”

“You do not really live in peace if these people are still trying to move into your current accommodations.”

“I still live in peace in my heart, soul and mind. Don’t you think they should arrange accommodations of their own, somewhere else?”

“But your place is so beautiful. Why would they want to find something else?” asked Mr. Gray, with a frown. “It is almost perfect. Even I would enjoy living there.”

“But you would not bully me to take it over, would you? This all seems so senseless to me, Mr. Gray, but now I agree that I am standing in their way to what they see as happiness. I guess that in some sense of the word, I have become the bully.”

“That is when you became the bully, then.”

“It must be.”

“Now, are you going to change your ways or not?”

“Mr. Gray, what would you suggest that I do? How do I not be a bully in a situation like this? Don’t I have 

the right to live, too?”

“Yes, you do. Forgive them unconditionally and the gates to my Heaven will be wide open to you, forever. There are real bullies and then there are people who are called bullies, simply because they do not give in to the real bullies. You are not dead yet, so go on back home and continue to stand up for your human rights.”

“Thank you, Mr. Gray.”    

“I will document our conversation for later reference. By the way, Mariah, I am really glad that we have had a chance to meet today, as it is so seldom that I have a really good laugh in my heavenly realm.”

“It certainly was a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Gray. Maybe there is justice after all,” said Mariah, as she picked up her coat and purse and prepared to leave. “Suddenly, I feel so warm and full of joy!”   

“I think I will have to call these people to account,” thought Mr. Gray to himself, as he left the room in a mysterious, white cloud.

“So, I am not dead? Did I just have my first encounter with St. Peter? Or was that God?”

With that thought in mind, Mariah woke up.

“I was just dreaming something, but I forgot most of it already. I remember, there was a white cloud."